Bruised and Scarred
by piratetigerllama
Summary: Jessa, is living every teenage girls dream right? She sees One Direction every day. Heck she even lives with Niall. What the fans don't understand is her grim and oh so gruesome past that only Niall knows of…for now. What possible childhood nightmare could sweep in and ruin her satisfyingly, entertaining present? Only a few hospital visits could let her find out.
1. Chapter 1

"Jessa, don't do it. I know what you're doing. Please don't do this to me Jessa" Niall cried through the bathroom door. I was just about to run my secret blade over my hip. He startled me making me do it on accident, but still on purpose. He just doesn't understand. I am head over heels for my best friend and I have no one to talk to about it. Now, I know you're thinking that's the shittiest reason to cut yourself.

Well it's not just that, I've had a fucked up life ever since I first saw light. I was abused, almost raped, and convinced that I'm the worst excuse for a human being ever. The three ingredients that make the perfect sob story right? Wrong, I hate pity! I hate not having someone to talk about this to. Niall happens to be that sun shining on my black parade. Quickly, I cleaned up and walked out of the bathroom only to instantly be swallowed into a never ending hug. Instantly I felt bad because his eyes were red and the remains of tears were dried on his cheeks. "Jessa", he sighed. I showed him my wrists and carefully watched as he grabbed them and raked his eyes scanning for the tiniest out of place mark. Nothing new was there besides the first cut I ever made, the only reason Niall knows about my cutting and what started him to believe that he needed to watch me like a hawk ever since my 12th birthday. He didn't say anymore and I don't think he wanted to.

"Hey Jessa, would you like to come play a few games with me?" at the moment Harry asked me to play video games with him I was checking my twitter, for hate. It became a routine now. "Sure". Whenever I cut, or try to, Niall has someone over for whatever reason, maybe it's to calm himself from dealing with me. Maybe he has some medication that stops him from acting out over my actions. Who knows? I wouldn't blame him if he secretly hated me too, just like everyone else. I ended up playing against Harry for hours, who knew a simple game of Monopoly could take so long? That and he was stealing my money. Then Niall played loser, so I ended up watching them, but it soon got tiring and I fell asleep after Niall hand just bought a boardwalk or something.

A brand new day is a brand new day. To me a brand new day is waking up on the couch. Suddenly I had the urge to pee really badly, but that was interrupted when I was in the middle of darting for the bathroom only to be interrupted by Harry and Niall strewn across the floor in front of the couch lying on their game of Monopoly. Being the little shit that I am noticed they didn't even stir so I switched Harry and Nail's money. Quietly I snickered to myself on the way to the bathroom. When I came out though the flat was silent, and with Niall you can almost always hear him getting into food. So I slowly entered the kitchen and was thankful for the bright pink sticky note taped to the fridge.

Jessa,  
Harry and I have gone to find some new games. Louis is coming over at 12. Don't freak out too much until then.  
Love, Niall

It was a simple yet effective note with a cute signature, but then Harry's scrawl sat at the very bottom. Mood ruined. In the mean time it was 11:30 giving me just enough time to shower and change into something comfy before Louis got here. Right then my stomach made a sound resembling someone being strangled. That awful sound lead to my search of something to eat, which I must have forgotten, I live with Niall. So I grabbed my shopping list with a huge bite out of it that says "Niall ate the shopping list". It was a very clever idea from a very excited fan. I wrote down some things here and there then continued my journey to hop in the shower.

Without a doubt a new mark was added, I don't even know why, but I did just to make up for any doubts that come to my mind later. Bad feelings aside, I dried my hair and got a pair of jeans as well as a hoodie the guy's bought me. Of course it is a One Direction hoodie considering they had no idea what to get for my birthday. Then right as I was applying my natural make-up the door rang, followed by the door opening up and footsteps approaching my room. "So what shall we do today love?"


	2. Chapter 2

As I put my make-up away I explained that we were running low on groceries so we need to go shopping. He had no choice but to follow me back out the door and into my car. While we were driving along he started fiddling with the radio. "Oh what a lovely song!" he said as he landed on a station playing Live While Were Young. "Oh no, I'm the driver" I said and switched it to play music from my phone. We listened to two out of four All Time Low albums while on shuffle. Louis silently liked it while I was singing at the top of my lungs.

When we got back though, Niall and Harry were both settled on the couch with a bowl of popcorn nestled in between their sleeping bodies. The Lion King was playing over top of their gentle snores. I had walked in first and gave Louis the sign to be quiet. He followed into the kitchen to put away the groceries and back out to make way on my devilish plan. I gathered some of my colorful make-up and tip toed out to the living room with Louis following behind. "Want to do the honors?" I whispered. He gladly took the bright eye shadow and brush applying it to Harry's eyes and the same to Niall with a different color. In the end they looked like a two year old got a hold of some make-up. Niall had big patches of green over his eyes while Harry had a burgundy color over his. They both had lipstick anywhere, but their lips and mascara and eyeliner somewhere on their faces. After that we went back to my room where I proceeded to kick butt at Mario Kart.

A few hours later we both froze at two voices exclaiming, "What the heck?" probably after looking at each other's faces. We then burst out laughing, totally forgetting about the game that was currently going on. Not even a minute later they stormed into my room glaring at us while we still laughed and even more now that they were looking at us with such angry looks. Soon they started laughing too and the flat was otherwise silent besides our laughing. "Next time, I'm making Liam or Zayn come over" Niall sputtered out between fits of laughter. Our laughs died down eventually and that's when Niall asked about make-up wipes. I pointed towards the bathroom and suddenly the whole situation wasn't funny anymore when Niall walked back in, clean face with very little remains of lipstick and eyeliner, but with a small blade in clenched between his pointer finger and all just looked at me with disappointment and Niall's face had so much of it that I wanted to run. I just knew he'd stop me if I tried. The tears welling up in my eyes spoke for me as I felt sorry for what I did and what I'm doing to Niall. Niall cares and wants to help, but I'm not taking his help very well. He didn't react to me, but instead turned around to throw it away. I fell backwards on my bed and curled up into a ball. A sobbing mess with Harry and Louis whispering and rubbing my back trying to say something that will calm me down and relax me.

Niall successfully avoided me for the rest of the night. He really can't stand when I do it. He never understood why I continued either. Even after he had the knowledge of me doing it in the first place I just did it more and more, but as secret as possible. That's why after the first time I resorted to cutting my hips instead of my wrist where it's so much more visible. He's such a good friend who told me countless times how good I look without make-up and I never believed it. I guess I won't believe it until I'm hearing it from someone who truly loves me, because I've never been loved and I still don't think I am. Being surrounded by friends is different to what I want. Until then I'm average, average and absolutely hideous. "Jessa" said the quiet Irish accented voice I knew so very well. I looked up, following Louis and Harry. "Yes" I said. "Come here", is all he said before turning around and walking down the hallway. I got up and followed while Louis and Harry both gave me sympathetic looks as I followed him into his room. He gently took my hand and pulled me next to a full length mirror. I was turned so that I was facing him, but away from the mirror. "Jessa, you don't know just how beautiful you are" he said never moving his icy blue eyes from staring right into the depths of mine. I shook my head in disagreement as silent tears trickled down my cheeks. He caressed my face with his hands, using his thumbs to brush the tears away. A small smile lasted for a second. He turned me so that I faced the mirror, with his hands settled on my hips and his head resting on my shoulder. "Wanna know how you're beautiful?" he whispered. I hesitantly nodded, glancing back and forth between my reflection and his eyes staring at me in the mirror. While humming What Makes You Beautiful he pulled up my hoodie and moved my jeans down a little so my hips were visible. Each little scar was visible. New and old he grazed his hand across them while I flinched away only to back up into him.

"Your smile lights up the room without even needing to turn on the lights. Your laugh can turn anyone's mood for the better. Your arms give the best hugs ever, like when I'm sick and we watch cartoons all day. You make me feel better than any medicine could. Your personality in the way that you're not obnoxious and rude, but sarcastic in the right moment." He stopped, took a deep breath and said, "You. You are a one of a kind and anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend, sister, girlfriend, bodyguard, mother, wife or anything. In my book you could stand on top of the world shine as bright as you want, because you're different and unique in your own way that makes you beautiful" again he reached up to wipe the tears. I turned around and hugged him for a very long time. I felt like an eternity could have gone by and it wouldn't have mattered because, I was in the arms of someone who truly cares and would give anything to see me live the rest of my life to the fullest. Anyone could say I looked good, or pretty, or sexy even, but it took words from someone special to make it sink in. That someone special is Niall Horan.


	3. Chapter 3

"Let's go to bed" he said after drying my tears.

"Are Harry and Louis staying?"

"No, I'll go kick them out"

"I don't mind them staying"

"They'd probably rather go home"

With that he had left his room and towards the front door to show them out. I was standing in the doorway of his room when I heard Harry and Louis making kissy noises. As childish as the action was it got me thinking as to why they were making kissy noises towards him, but after all I might be hearing things too. Instead of worrying about them I changed into my pj's. Right as I was about to crawl into bed Niall asked if I wanted to sleep with him tonight. For security reasons of course, I'd been feeling insecure all day so anything to help. I shrugged and followed him, crawling into his bed which was almost comfier than mine. We were lying so that we faced each other when he said, "Did you believe me" without making eye contact, but instead playing with the thread to his pillowcase. "Yes" I replied in a believable tone. As sweet as it all was I'm still having my doubts. From there we told each other goodnight and drifted off having peaceful dreams for once.

When I woke up crystal blue eyes were practically staring into my soul. "Can I help you?" I asked sleepily. "Will you pretty please make us pancakes?" he asked like he was a small child scared about waking his parents or something.

"Us? Did you invite the whole town over for pancakes?"

He laughed while I slid out of bed and followed to see my five favorite faces waiting tiredly, but hungrily at the breakfast bar. "You can cook Harry, why didn't you start making pancakes?" I asked while pulling out the ingredients. "Because, yours are better Jessa" he answered with a bright smile. "So, Jessa why was Niall so eager to kick Harry and myself out last night?" Louis asked smoothly while playing with the salt and pepper shakers. I looked at him confused, but continued to pour the batter. "What do you mean? We didn't do anything if that's what you're asking" I replied. Is that what the kissy noises were all about? Did Louis and Harry think Niall and I were friends with benefits or something? Even though the questions rattled in my mind I kept making pancake after pancake for the lads who were talking amongst each other. As Louis leaned in to talk to the other four their voices dropped to a whisper, "Care to share, ladies?" I asked. They stopped talking and waited for the food as Niall blushed. "Ni, do you still have make-up on from yesterday?" If I didn't know better I'd say it was from yesterday, but now I'm knowingly teasing him. At that his blush grew deeper on his pale cheeks. It's funny when Niall is so vulnerable to being teased. "Pancakes for a pack of hyenas coming right up" As soon as I set the couple of plates in front of them they dug in like mad. I'd be screwed if I had teenage boys running around the house with an appetite like that and feeding someone like Niall. Not exactly Niall, but someone like Niall, possibly. I started making my own pancakes as everyone was just finishing their last one. I took my time as they started drifting from the kitchen and into the living room where they will probably end up playing video games for most of the day. Liam stayed though and kept a steady conversation with me while I tried to eat my pancakes. Randomly, Niall came up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist while planting a sticky kiss on my cheek and mumbling "Thank You". Once he left the room once again Liam started a different conversation, "He's cute"."Yeah"

"You don't happen to fancy him at all do you?"

"Can you be blunt enough?"

"Yes, and no, but that doesn't answer my question. Do you fancy him?"

"He's right in the other room you know" I obviously pointed out. He raised an eyebrow and I nodded as my answer. "But…" I motioned for him to zip his lips about it. He nodded and asked another question," How did you meet him before X-Factor?" It was a sad story really, one I didn't exactly love telling, but only to the people who mattered to me.

"Basically, he and his mother were going for a walk past my house and I was out on the front stoop bawling my eyes out as a terrified 6 year old. Niall stopped and said Hi and got to a point where he made me laugh, until he had to finish the walk with his mom. That was the day everything turned around, almost. At the same time everyday for four years he would stop by and talk to me. We became friends and it was nice having someone to talk to. He even got to come on his own eventually and brought me food considering how stick thin I was, it was gross how you could see almost all of my bones. I should have been dead, but with Niall coming back to see me it kept me alive for a little while longer. When High School started he eventually brought me to his house to just live with him. We were like brother and sister. He'd protect me and take care of me. I lacked much of an education, but I was really smart so I got to start in 9th grade. I used to read a lot from how little there was to do around the house"

I would be lying if I said I didn't have tears in my eyes, but stayed back for the sake of finishing the story. "You don't have to answer this, but why were you kicked out?"

I gulped and answered even though he said I didn't have to. "My dad would go out at night and get drunk, then come home in the morning to yell at me and beat me for whatever reason. I'd be 8 or 9 reading a book on astronomy and he'd say I was a stupid child and that I don't know how to read. Then he'd put me outside while he slept through a hangover only to put me in at night when he got in his car to restart the day before. I was practically treated like a dog. Except I was the child who had to teach herself to do most things you'd learn from a parent. I had no mistakes to really make, besides making a wrong move in front of my father"

There was something in Liam's face that turned, I know he felt bad, but was glad Niall was there all those times I was being told off for doing something wrong when it was really good in anyone else's eyes. "You shouldn't of gone through with that, but I'm glad Niall was there" What did I tell you? I smiled a teary smile and hugged Liam. He held me and rubbed my back while I silently sobbed into his shirt. He didn't mind and the boys couldn't see into the kitchen from the living room to even ask questions. I felt like taking a nap, so I voiced this to Liam who let go and joined the boys while I went to my room without a second thought I was face down on my bed fast asleep.

I woke up possibly an hour or two later feeling refreshed after crying so much. Just as I was about to turn the corner into the living room I stopped when I heard them talking. I didn't know what about so I listened to see if I'd get any answers.  
"How come you won't tell us what happened, Ni?" Louis said. At least it sounded quiet like him and from how well I know each of the boys it most likely was Louis. "Because, nothing did happen" Niall huffed in response. "Are you sure? You looked pretty cozy in bed with her this morning?" Harry pressed on. "Guy's, why not just leave him alone. If nothing happened, nothing happened it's that simple" Liam spoke up so Niall didn't have to face anymore embarrassing questions about the subject. "Listen Ni, you've told us that you've been head over heels for her since you knew what puberty was. Find the right time and .Move" Zayn added, punctuating the last few words. It was like a blanket of silent air draped over all of them and didn't give them anymore room to speak.

It's been three days since I spoke to Liam. I was alone since no one could stay back this time. It was supposed to be an easy day off from hauling the boys around to interview and such, but I'm scared shitless. The reason I don't like being home alone is because, one time I was alone at Niall's house and being that he lived down the road from me it wasn't hard to find me out in the garden picking roses and tending to the vegetable's. He broke through the gate leading to their backyard and grabbed my shoulder leaving me frozen while I weeded the garden. It pains me to repeat would all he did so I won't say. Going back to the present where I'm currently washing a knife in the sink I didn't realize that I had cut myself until I rid myself of the terrible memory and looked down seeing blood on the knife. Right at that moment I heard the door open and close almost silently. This was odd because if Niall was home he'd be rushing in and looking for food with or without the guys at his heels. At the same time I rushed into the bathroom and cleaned the cut on my finger. To make it look happier I put a One Direction band-aid on it. When I was ok with my cleaned wound I exited the bathroom to greet Niall at the door. Except for the fact that it wasn't Niall at the door; at that moment I wish I would have bled to death because of the knife. Anything would be better than this.


	4. Chapter 4

Little could I comprehend at the moment, but I could definitely understand that the scruffy, rugged, filthy man standing in my doorway was someone who ruined my life countless times and I had sworn to myself to never let him do that again. I obviously didn't know this would happen.

"Hello Jessie" he spoke lowly, and with a scum filled grin. My original name is Jessie, but I changed it to erase every remain of my past.

"Dad, get away from me!" I shouted only leading to his damn grin to get bigger. He looked disgusting. His soaked hair stuck to his face and the smell of smoke and alcohol spiraled around him. "But don't you miss me?" he asked taking a step forward while I immediately stepped back and into a lamp that fell over and broke. His grin became bigger as he took another step, successfully making me trip over the lamp and onto the mess of glass. I wanted to scream in pain at the glass that was now piercing through the skin on my hands..

"Don't you want to see your own father again?" His sentence ringing louder after each word. Even when he stopped talking his voice still rung throughout the flat. This time he crouched down to my level and started by picking up the largest piece of glass. He tossed it around in his hand a little before bringing it close to my he simply dragged it down to my collar bone where he made a small intrusion in the skin. Wordlessly he started to drag it over my arm. I was just waiting for him to cut open a vein so I could die like he wanted me to so many times in my childhood. Tears had been streaming down my face this whole time silently while he played with a glass he traced each finger with it then slowly crept back up my he went farther and farther up my arm he started to press it harder and harder into my skin. Once he seemed happy with the mess he made, he dropped the glass and slapped me in the face. He then proceeded to stand up and laugh while walking away. That's too bad for him because I'm not done with him. As his back was turned I stood up and grabbed onto his shoulders, forcing him down to the ground. While I stood catching my breathe, mistakenly with my back turned to him he hooked his foot around my ankle bringing me down with him. From there I suffered punch after punch to the gut, face, ribs on plenty of bad he still wasn't done with me yet as I was dragged into the first room down the hallway,Niall's room. He dragged me in and threw me against the wall. I tried t stay on my feet, but only slid down the wall as his horrid laugh filled my ears and my vision turned blank.

Niall's pov  
I woke up today feeling good, but there was a tug at my heart that reminded me of how i had to leave her alone today. Whoever decided to give her a day off while I couldn't be there too really... don't know. Just looking at her sleep was enough to make me feel more than a little guilty about how I ad to leave her today. I quietly got out of bed , going into the kitchen to make myself breakfast. Afterwards I got ready and drove to work with Louis. Apparently the concern was evident in my face. "Cheer up mate. She'll be fine" he tried to convince me. I'll believe it for now. When we met up with the rest of the guys I felt better, but still nervous the whole day whenever I got a chance to think.

It was 11:45 at night when I was dropped back off at y shared flat. I was so tired, but it was such a fun night on stage with the boys just doing our job. I tried to call home tens of tons of times, but never got an answer from Jessa. Which slightly scared me. What also scared me was the slight chill I got from walking into the flat, and that Jessa still wouldn't answer each time I called out into the flat. Maybe she was sleeping perhaps. So I walked down the hallway. "Jessa" I said going towards her room. I stopped in my spot when I heard a cash from my room. Slowly walking in I saw Jessa slumped against the wall with bruises and dried blood everywhere on her. Without a second guess I pulled out my phone and calmly called for an ambulance while on the inside I was screaming and crying and having a heart attack. It was hard to sit there and hold her while she was barley alive.

It wasn't long before paramedics were running into the room and dragging me away from her. I was crying while they did all they could to clean her up. When they lifted her onto the gurney and into the ambulance I almost got in with her, but the one paramedic said there's enough people in there already. The paramedic smiled a little before umping into the ambulance and closing the doors. At this I called Zayn and asked him to rush over and take me to the hospital, "What'd you do?" he asked. "It's not about me Zayn..." I trailed off right as he hung up and I'm assuming got in his car and rushed over here. In the time that I was waiting I texted Louis and Harry to drive over there and for Harry to comfort me while they drove. Zayn arrived moments after Harry and Louis responding to my message. Liam took a little while longer, but replied with "I'm on my way".

We all arrived at the nearest hospital all about the same time. The receptionist asked who we were waiting for and Liam told her. She said that we would have to wait a while before we could go in.

Hours later, I was being pulled into her room by Liam. Only two were allowed in at a time. I couldn't bring myself to see her lying in a hospital bed knowing it was my fault that I left her there all alone. Liam pulled two chairs up next to the bed as I sat in the one closest to her. The doctor said that she's sleeping and while be awake in the morning. Liam stayed with me for half an hour and traded with the guys who each had a turn to see her while I never left her side. Not that I even wanted to.


	5. Chapter 5

A day. A whole entire day had gone by after Jessa was put into the hospital.A whole day had gone by and I had not once left her side. Zayn had left to get food and a change of clothes, but it was Liam who came back with the food and clothing. "How is she?" he asked upon entering the room. "Doc said she should be awake any time now"I spoke quietly. "Liam?" he sat next to me, slowly setting the items next to him. "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I asked. His eyebrows furrowed together as he thought of a good answer. "Niall there aren't any 'good' people in the world. Everyone's done something bad even if it's simple" he responded.

"But Jessa's done nothing wrong" I choked out through tears that were about to spill. "Well self harming is probably the bad thing she did even if it's for all the not necessarily right reasons, but understandable reasons, it's still considered bad." he explained farther, as he spoke silent tears trickled down my cheeks and when he was done e pulled me over to share his chair so I could hug him. That''s all I really needed at the moment. A hug and food would be nice. "Where's the food?" I asked while sitting up and sniffling a bit. "Right here" he smiled while handing me my food and change of clothes. I took a bit of my sandwich and immediately felt a whole 50% better. Now all I need was for Jessa to wake up. Which didn't surprise me much when I thought I saw her arm twitch.

Jessa's pov

Darkness. I'm still surrounded by...wait, my eyes are closed. I opened them slightly only to close them and open them a billion times to adjust to the horribly bright light. I tried sitting up, but that only brought a set of hands easing me back down. "Not so fast there tiger" came a familiar voice. I smiled at the familiar blonde who was grinning at me with tear stained cheeks and a sandwich in his hand. Yup, same old Niall. "Glad to see you're still the same in my absence" I said. Niall did nothing, but finish his sandwich before saying "A whole day without you and I thought I was going to loose my mind" I laughed and said, "A whole day without me" I laughed, "If you had to choose between sitting in a small boring hospital room waiting for me to wake up and food..."

"I chose you while I sent Zayn off to get food" I awwed a bit and noticed Liam slipping out of the room. "Would you mind getting a doctor? I don't like hospitals so much"

Niall nodded and left the room trading with the other four that I really haven't had much of a chance to talk to. "Hi guys" I said kind of weakly.

"Hey" the replied together.

I looked at Liam and gave him a slight nod that he'll either understand or he won't. "You guys look like you really want to ask what happened, but you're all too afraid of asking" I stated to the four guys standing and sitting around my bed,two on each side. None of them answered so I assumed I was correct. "Well, at least now we know that I really can't be left home alone. My father payed a little visit. As you can see it did not end well at all" I said calmly to the guys who did nothing, but take turns giving me hugs. Sometime after that Niall walked in with the doctor behind him. "Hello Jessa I'm Doctor Flan" he introduced him self with a nice handshake. "I'm going to ask four of you to leave..." he said to the boys. Harry, Louis, Liam, and Zayn left while Niall stayed with no questions asked. "Are you two together?" asked in response to them getting up and leaving so fast. We both shook our heads no and may have blushed a little. "All right then. How are you feeling Jessa?"

"Light headed, sore, very painful"

"Uh hu. Do you know what led to you finding her how you did?" the Dr asked Niall.

"No"

"Ok. Well I'll get to that in a minute. What seems to have happened Jessa, is that you have a total of two broken ribs. Major bruises and you've suffered a great amount of blood loss. Yet you're still here and breathing"  
I just sat there taking it all in. Not that this is as bad as it possibly could have gotten. Niall just nodded along as if he didn't want to hear about me being hurt. "Now, if you don't mind telling us what happened that led you here?"  
I took a deep breath as I was about to speak, but crashing and yelling caught me off guard. All it took was someone to say, "Sir you can't go in there" and I started screaming.


End file.
